listening to: daughter
pearl jam

3 minutes to 0500. I've been tossing under, over, without my sheets for slightly less than 9000 seconds. I have a meeting in 3 hours. Frustrated, i get out of bed, fling my legs over the side. The floor is freezing, and i pull my sweater back on. Im too listless to wear anything on my feet, and they feel ice cold to me.

There is nothing that appeals to me right now to fill up the time. Havn't gamed for the longest time, don't feel like talking, the trilogy next my pillow seems like a pointless, childish, waste of time. I gave a dead line to give up smoking by june a few days back. I wonder if i need have bothered with the vow, because what i used to enjoy, feel pleasure with, and grin at the thought of a drinkees with like minded people who breathed in the same air as me, now gives no pull. The past few sticks have been ditched after a few drags. The smell of beer left too long makes my stomach loopy.

I rake my fingers through my hair , walk up to my room windows, look at the grills on the windows, into the multi story parking lot across. Bars across bars. Intrusions into my privacy, the building across. I used to feel so angry, that i had to keep my curtains closed all the time once it was up.

Now i wonder again, need i have bothered?

Even without these conceived barriers, inconveniences, freedom hamperers, i think we still do well enough to put invisible ones around ourselves.

There is only one thing i want to know right now, and that is when i'll be able to have the sweetest sleep again.