Listening to: A borrowed ladder
gattaca o.s.t

Startlement, when i realise that no, i don't want that much more really.

People around me seem to be the catalyst for my recent dawnings, and like a conduit i cannot resist being drawn closer, drawn in. Initial sparks are easy to come by. It is the prolongment, the staying power that i wish i could find within me. It is the taming of lust, the temperence of gratification,the wisdom of differentiation and the search for validation of my decision not to settle.

When i say, or think to myself out aloud that time is running out, it isn't the settling bit i am worried about; the black and white of categorisation that i usually abstain from seems to suddenly be the reason behind my fresh bouts of restlessness. Compulsion not from a norm, but a self imposed morality of whether its right or wrong, if i shld just follow the immoderate urgings of my emotions.

Not wanting to find myself at home just yet, i sit by the stone seats at the canal. The inlet comes straight from sungei api api, from the salty, calming sea. With the tides come the wind and it lifts my hair off my shoulder. What i would do for a touch that light that sends both shivers and comfort. i close my eyes and feel slightly beatific for a second.

I thought i was lost, but it was only because i didn't know what it was that i was searching for.