Listening to: Somebody,
Bonnie Mckee

My mood these days? I feel like one of my bipolar patients. Sometimes i wish i wasn't gifted with the gamut of emotions that humans have. Sometimes i wish that we cld live life the way huxley wrote about in his 'brave new world'. Soma, the drug that dulled the senses of the people in his fantasy, made them feel like they were drunk, but without the spasm inducing, breathless causing nausea that alcohol causes. I cld do with a fix myself.

Wasn't it just a short while ago that i told myself i'd embrace emotions because that was the only way to live? I remember why i made the original decision. Sometimes i think...i feel much too intensely. Waves of tangibility. Mini tsunamis of that first wave kind. I soak up the mood my environment like a bloody giant live loofah. Sensitivity. Almost i wish it was the other kind that makes you petty, and not this. I want to watch a love story with cringing. I want to walk down a street of beggers without leaving poorer than them. I want half a heart, and i don't care what you do with the other.

Only our spirits can understand beauty, or live and grow with it. It puzzles our minds; we are unable to describe it in words; it is a sensation that our eyes cannot see, derived from both the one who observes and the one who is looked upon. Why are we blessed with the knowledge of this, only to have it hidden from us once we catch a glimpse?