Sometimes when im in the middle of something, i feel like i'm in a movie. That instant when you're interrupted by a little something somethin' that you can't put your finger on.. You get this sense, this little voice ( just one thank you very much) inside that tells you that from this moment on, life is never going to be the same again.
I've had this feeling a few times before .. In kindergarten, when i was bawling by the door while my teacher emotionally blackmailed me.. In primary school after i got my PSLE results.. Various instances after i got sick of people, attitutues. This time is slightly different, a feeling that everything is going to be all right, and that i've got what it takes to weather life. Strangely nothing traumatic has happened, just a sense of enhanced well being, that 2005 will bring me to new awareness of myself. I understand that life is a life long discovery, but it never seemed this exciting to me before, and i truly understand when women tell me that hitting their 30's was the best thing that happened to them. You feel more confident of what you are, more sure of what you have to do, and what not to bother about.
The only thing i regret..is that to come to this level i had to leave a very large part of me behind. Being nice comes now with wariness, and being guarded seems to be a natural way of life. The human brain is a majestic thing, pushing the boundries seems like it was only ever the way to go, and remoulding your personality a snap. Selfishness is understandable now, when previously vows to never become a nasty adult was an unspoken motto. How do i mean when i say selfishness? In order to protect yourself, you harden to every one else.
My question- is does everyone have to go through this? And if it is unavoidable.. What has to be done?
