listening to: touch the sky
kanye west lupe fiasco
So the date has been set. I've never voted, and happily, it looks like this year won't be an exclusion. Do i care? Sure. Do i care as much as , say, how much my next holiday is costing? No. Because i know i will be called to exercise judgement which will be in turn utilised, which is more then i can say for the former.
Moving on.
Why are men so hyperchondriacal? I nod, and wince as J tells me about his pain, i plain well remember what mine felt like. Sometimes though, i wonder how it is that he's hit his age and is still so.....
J: I've told work to prepare for my absence next week. One week mc.
f: How do you know its one week?
J:All wisdom teeth extractions give a week's worth.
f: Oh..You already know its a wisdom tooth?
J: Dunno. Can't feel whether it's a cavity or wisdom tooth.
f: The whole area too sore, sweetie?
J: Not sure. Feels like there's no tooth left.
f: Isn't there a hole? Some sharp edges? If it's a cavity...
J: Dunno leh. Think have both a cavity and wisdom tooth.
It's like for every problem, they have to think of the worse possible scary scenario.
It's like when you get a cough, and ask me if i think it's pneumonia because there's a rattling in your chest.
Or the way you ask if i think you're having heart attacks.
Or ask me why you're feeling weak when you havn't had either lunch or dinner.
Sweetheart, i know you're in pain, and i'll hold your hand while waiting for you to go into the dentist's, but i'll still laugh when you come out drooling and wadded with wool.
Never date someone who causes pain on a daily basis. We're overated, and we don't come with the uniform.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Bothering you, distracting you,
you swatting, you grunting,
Tickling you, bemuddling you,
you sighing, you pouting,
you forcing
me to desist,
i stealing
your note of bliss,
its always fleeting
times like these,
sweet just like
a candied lick.
i read once
and grin again,
your love lines
supremely sublime;
but 'forever', my sweet
don't you think
it's just another
divine myth?
you swatting, you grunting,
Tickling you, bemuddling you,
you sighing, you pouting,
you forcing
me to desist,
i stealing
your note of bliss,
its always fleeting
times like these,
sweet just like
a candied lick.
i read once
and grin again,
your love lines
supremely sublime;
but 'forever', my sweet
don't you think
it's just another
divine myth?
Friday, March 17, 2006
your slightest look,
it seems will easily unclose me
though i try to close inwards
see nail marks on my palms
your softest word,
it seems will easily unloose me
though i try to pile layers
and read the book of psalms
writhing spirit,
who sees my intent?
who knows i'm a whore?
i've dreamt and i want more
my blood approves,
and imagination sings
then gravity my conscience remembers
i'm dashed upon barren ground
it seems will easily unclose me
though i try to close inwards
see nail marks on my palms
your softest word,
it seems will easily unloose me
though i try to pile layers
and read the book of psalms
writhing spirit,
who sees my intent?
who knows i'm a whore?
i've dreamt and i want more
my blood approves,
and imagination sings
then gravity my conscience remembers
i'm dashed upon barren ground
Thursday, March 09, 2006
You know when you hear people saying.. I just fell in love with this person i met? Or perhaps they might say that the other grew on them.
"I didn't love him at first, i slowly learnt what he was like, and loved him, for what he does, for what he is."
I'm not quite sure what men say, because i havn't head them say anything besides saying that a woman is beautiful. It's like for them, that sums up everything; all the virgin and harlot in her, all the fragility or strength they think they see.
But you know what i think? I think that what they see corresponds to a deep seated need in them. All the love stories i've ever heard, right from the very first one, have made me feel that in a sense i will know him. I know its blind, going by feeling alone, but look at the smiling recognition of the blind man when tracing a face with his hands.
What if people never really meet somewhere, or just find each other somewhere auspicious; They meet again. They're in each other, have been all along.
That's what i think.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Food and sex.
Pratunam for seafood, patpong for entertainment.
A few days before while we were planning our trip, i brought up tigershows, and how much i wanted to take a peek.. It was only when a frequent go-er pointed out that it was thai girl and not tiger, that i realised how much singaporean pronunciation has damned me. I worried how i would state my intentions in thai about wanting to see, assuming that the touts would only approach the men. Shouldn't have worried.
Once down from the cab, the narrow streets were nicely split into two sides.. Patpong night market on one side and...
On the left were a string of neon lit signs. I was a little surprised it was so direct.. I always imagined a small stage with a awe struck audience. We paused to take stock of the area, and this guy came up to us with a yellow card which had been badly laminated (it looked exactly like a menu from those zhi char coffee stalls). Dishes were numbered, all starting with "pussy" and ending with "cut banana, ping pong, darts..ect"
This guy was good. After telling him we wanted to look around (yeah, we were determined to find the best or most explicit show), he pouted, gave a little cute tantrum, and proceeded to follow us the length of the street as we checked out the rest of the goods. When i got over my shock of seeing so apparently straight a man act thusly, i was able to pay proper attention to what was going inside some of the bars. We ended up going back to the first one because the sign was the biggest and brightest. Lol.
We trudged up a flight of stairs, and i felt much, much better as i saw a couple go ahead of me. We passed a lady in a booth who had nothing to say to us, and entered the place after another flight.
As we walked in, i was conscious of the lights on my white shirt, and and how the girls stared as we walked in. I was particularly attracted to one girl, but she only danced in the background poles. The rest..argh. There were fat girls, skinny girls, ugly boys who tucked themselves in so they looked like girls, dark girls, only two who looked fair and seemed to be chinese, all in unappealing bikinis. The show started, and we learned quickly it didn't do any good to be overly enthusiastic to any one girl. Or to any girl for that matter.. We saw streams of endless lights being pulled out, darts which burst from a dart holder thingy held within. We got a bit conned, and had to buy one drink for the bottle opener chick, but what's a hundred baht, right? It's good to have have small change though, because any excess here is immediately taken as a tip.
Bottle opener girl, or nang, sat on my left. She was very polite, and actually had quite sweet features. After complimenting her on her act (c'mon, anyone who can do that infront of a roomful of voyeurs..). i tried to ease out some tidbits from her, but her answers were so well rehearsed. Armfuls of gesticulating were our means of understanding each other.
"How old are you, nang?"
She thinks for a min. "18." This is said with a cheeky smile. I think she's older.
"Do you like being on the stage?" I point up at the stage.
She smiles, nods, and i decide not to press the point.
She asks where we're from, how old i am. I tell her to guess, not wanting to indulge her.
I ask if the bottle cap act is painful. I manage this by pointing to her, the cap, and making ouch sounds with a questioning lilt to my voice. Feel plenty spastic, but its interesting to see what i can get out of her. She shakes her head. Apparently, she only trained 5 mins to do that, and i feel the urge to ask if she practices in a room with all the other girls, but thank god i don't.
She comes back to sit after her act, but my interest has waned so after only a smile, i concentrate on the stage. She gets the hint, and charmingly excuses herself with her palms pressed against each other, held nose level.
Towards the end of the night, im feeling tired. The thai businessman and his two caucasian counterparts on my left are with the girl who blew darts and specialises in tweezer tricks. She looks really young, and the thai man is patting her tummy as i look over. I hear the first caucasian, an obese man who looks latino complete with frizzy big hair, ask her if she has a boyfriend or girlfriend. The second caucasian man pinches his brows and looks away. A while later, i hear a shriek, and she springs up from the chair holding her bikini top against her arms. She puts it back on, and settles inbetween the men again. She's quieter from this time on. When she's back on the stage aiming her dart at a balloon the men are holding, i see the thai man looking intently, his mouth open and i can see his thoughts flashing across his face. The lights illuminating his expressions, the girl on her back, heaving her darts in different directions of the room. She still has her bikini bottom on, but i realise she looks even younger when she's lying down. Heavy disquiet seem to have an almost tangible hold now, and i leave.
As i walk out, the girls wave, and ask for tips which i wave aside. I walk in silence for awhile, immersing myself in the markets of patpong. It's elbow room only at this time, and i notice a blind man walking slowly through. His tin is pretty empty, and i think to myself that perhaps its because everyone else has spent all they have on piracy and sex.
Pratunam for seafood, patpong for entertainment.
A few days before while we were planning our trip, i brought up tigershows, and how much i wanted to take a peek.. It was only when a frequent go-er pointed out that it was thai girl and not tiger, that i realised how much singaporean pronunciation has damned me. I worried how i would state my intentions in thai about wanting to see, assuming that the touts would only approach the men. Shouldn't have worried.
Once down from the cab, the narrow streets were nicely split into two sides.. Patpong night market on one side and...
On the left were a string of neon lit signs. I was a little surprised it was so direct.. I always imagined a small stage with a awe struck audience. We paused to take stock of the area, and this guy came up to us with a yellow card which had been badly laminated (it looked exactly like a menu from those zhi char coffee stalls). Dishes were numbered, all starting with "pussy" and ending with "cut banana, ping pong, darts..ect"
This guy was good. After telling him we wanted to look around (yeah, we were determined to find the best or most explicit show), he pouted, gave a little cute tantrum, and proceeded to follow us the length of the street as we checked out the rest of the goods. When i got over my shock of seeing so apparently straight a man act thusly, i was able to pay proper attention to what was going inside some of the bars. We ended up going back to the first one because the sign was the biggest and brightest. Lol.
We trudged up a flight of stairs, and i felt much, much better as i saw a couple go ahead of me. We passed a lady in a booth who had nothing to say to us, and entered the place after another flight.
As we walked in, i was conscious of the lights on my white shirt, and and how the girls stared as we walked in. I was particularly attracted to one girl, but she only danced in the background poles. The rest..argh. There were fat girls, skinny girls, ugly boys who tucked themselves in so they looked like girls, dark girls, only two who looked fair and seemed to be chinese, all in unappealing bikinis. The show started, and we learned quickly it didn't do any good to be overly enthusiastic to any one girl. Or to any girl for that matter.. We saw streams of endless lights being pulled out, darts which burst from a dart holder thingy held within. We got a bit conned, and had to buy one drink for the bottle opener chick, but what's a hundred baht, right? It's good to have have small change though, because any excess here is immediately taken as a tip.
Bottle opener girl, or nang, sat on my left. She was very polite, and actually had quite sweet features. After complimenting her on her act (c'mon, anyone who can do that infront of a roomful of voyeurs..). i tried to ease out some tidbits from her, but her answers were so well rehearsed. Armfuls of gesticulating were our means of understanding each other.
"How old are you, nang?"
She thinks for a min. "18." This is said with a cheeky smile. I think she's older.
"Do you like being on the stage?" I point up at the stage.
She smiles, nods, and i decide not to press the point.
She asks where we're from, how old i am. I tell her to guess, not wanting to indulge her.
I ask if the bottle cap act is painful. I manage this by pointing to her, the cap, and making ouch sounds with a questioning lilt to my voice. Feel plenty spastic, but its interesting to see what i can get out of her. She shakes her head. Apparently, she only trained 5 mins to do that, and i feel the urge to ask if she practices in a room with all the other girls, but thank god i don't.
She comes back to sit after her act, but my interest has waned so after only a smile, i concentrate on the stage. She gets the hint, and charmingly excuses herself with her palms pressed against each other, held nose level.
Towards the end of the night, im feeling tired. The thai businessman and his two caucasian counterparts on my left are with the girl who blew darts and specialises in tweezer tricks. She looks really young, and the thai man is patting her tummy as i look over. I hear the first caucasian, an obese man who looks latino complete with frizzy big hair, ask her if she has a boyfriend or girlfriend. The second caucasian man pinches his brows and looks away. A while later, i hear a shriek, and she springs up from the chair holding her bikini top against her arms. She puts it back on, and settles inbetween the men again. She's quieter from this time on. When she's back on the stage aiming her dart at a balloon the men are holding, i see the thai man looking intently, his mouth open and i can see his thoughts flashing across his face. The lights illuminating his expressions, the girl on her back, heaving her darts in different directions of the room. She still has her bikini bottom on, but i realise she looks even younger when she's lying down. Heavy disquiet seem to have an almost tangible hold now, and i leave.
As i walk out, the girls wave, and ask for tips which i wave aside. I walk in silence for awhile, immersing myself in the markets of patpong. It's elbow room only at this time, and i notice a blind man walking slowly through. His tin is pretty empty, and i think to myself that perhaps its because everyone else has spent all they have on piracy and sex.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Our emotions are far from numb
Our engagements mean more than the sharing of flesh
As we open the minds of our souls and confess
Sitting across the table from you
There's no view of my behind
focus on my conversation
The collective thoughts of my mind
Intrigue is the theme of this murmuring well,
Where the passion that's shared
we both fail to quell.
Our engagements mean more than the sharing of flesh
As we open the minds of our souls and confess
Sitting across the table from you
There's no view of my behind
focus on my conversation
The collective thoughts of my mind
Intrigue is the theme of this murmuring well,
Where the passion that's shared
we both fail to quell.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
listening to: dirty little secret
all american rejects
The other night i was in a room which was known to be..occupied, and i heard a loud noise which sounded like someone weeping. You know, when someone reaches that stage where they have no breath because of the intensity of the crying, and breathing makes a high pitched, indrawn keen during the inhalation ?
No prizes for guessing, i ran out of the room and waited outside the loo for chris to come out. Fuck me. I had no time to feel that spooked, it was pure reaction which propelled me out that room.
all american rejects
The other night i was in a room which was known to be..occupied, and i heard a loud noise which sounded like someone weeping. You know, when someone reaches that stage where they have no breath because of the intensity of the crying, and breathing makes a high pitched, indrawn keen during the inhalation ?
No prizes for guessing, i ran out of the room and waited outside the loo for chris to come out. Fuck me. I had no time to feel that spooked, it was pure reaction which propelled me out that room.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
I walk around blind, believing in the painful adage 'vanity ( the equivalent of intellectual disability for me ) over death'.
There've been many times i've thought of enhancing my eyesight with surgery, but minor details perish that thought. The last time i tried contacts i couldn't get them out; it was only with the flood of desperate tears induced by a certain foreign object on my eyeball (ie: my finger) that enabled it to slide out by accident. Imagine if you could see certain things you'd rather not; say, the grime on the floor at a hawker center, or a morning after reflection in the mirror.. I was reminded again today why sometimes less than acute eyesight is great for sanity. For all the rest of the times, going bespectacled and lab coated suits me fine.
1# Walking down the street, i was suddenly blinded by a not so young woman who was sitting with her gold and silver shod feet swinging in the bright sunlight. Grabbing the arm beside me, we started together at the feet. There were... things.. jingling, shiny, plasticky things on the straps that looked like the ornaments on my tree. I stood humbled at that moment. Never will i laugh at some of things sold on the shelf, because i know there are people who actually wear them.
2# Offering extra large chewy sweeties around after a lunch, a certain male was having fun playing with the remnants of the sweet, rolling it around on his lips and making gastly faces. I stared at the sweet. It was green. The sweets i gave out were white. At least we all know he enjoys his dietary fibre.
There've been many times i've thought of enhancing my eyesight with surgery, but minor details perish that thought. The last time i tried contacts i couldn't get them out; it was only with the flood of desperate tears induced by a certain foreign object on my eyeball (ie: my finger) that enabled it to slide out by accident. Imagine if you could see certain things you'd rather not; say, the grime on the floor at a hawker center, or a morning after reflection in the mirror.. I was reminded again today why sometimes less than acute eyesight is great for sanity. For all the rest of the times, going bespectacled and lab coated suits me fine.
1# Walking down the street, i was suddenly blinded by a not so young woman who was sitting with her gold and silver shod feet swinging in the bright sunlight. Grabbing the arm beside me, we started together at the feet. There were... things.. jingling, shiny, plasticky things on the straps that looked like the ornaments on my tree. I stood humbled at that moment. Never will i laugh at some of things sold on the shelf, because i know there are people who actually wear them.
2# Offering extra large chewy sweeties around after a lunch, a certain male was having fun playing with the remnants of the sweet, rolling it around on his lips and making gastly faces. I stared at the sweet. It was green. The sweets i gave out were white. At least we all know he enjoys his dietary fibre.
Fine fine, forget about reading that last post already. I knew it was vague but i think i should delete it based on the number of ," What was that post about?" from those who knew what happened. If that's not a sign that there's something terribly terribly wrong with the writing...
This christmas was a bit non existant for me.. The mother asked for the christmas tree to be put up only to find that she had forgotten she had thrown it away last year. This year she and my father did a mini-lets-not-try-to-kill-the-plant-with-lights thingie, and it turned out pretty nice albeit a day before christmas. Everyone wrapped presents the night before, and i'm pretty sure none of us was into it. Shopping was so last minute i brought my stash to the christmas eve do at my friends place and did it there. Was a bit saddened by my fathers question to me.. I had laughingly told him that i knew i had inherited my wrapping skills from him when he asked if his prezzie was all right. Inclining my head and waiting for him to tell me what he meant, he continued and mentioned that he didn't know if i wld think it was good enough.. Frankly i wldn't care if i didn't get a tangible gift. Sometimes the ones that don't cost anything are the hardest to find.
New year's was novel, with a session at a friends place passed up in place of helping another with his sausages (hottie dogs) at the esplanade. I stood for 12 straight hours dealing with german wieners and smoked cheese, a rained out tentage that made wearing slip ons that much more disgusting, more onions than i have dealt with in my entire f'in life but it was not surprisingly, very satisfying. Te fireworks were *almost* amazing. Hobbling home with an assortment of balloons, lightsticks in a variety of shapes and a stray buns, i was happy that it wasn't an exercise in uselessness and forced bonheur.
It's pretty amusing but these weeks of festivity i've seen more couples yelling their lungs out at each other in public. From docile males who meekly follow an obviously pissed girlfriend stomping away, to small tug of wars to prevent one half from getting into a cab; it's all been rather heartwarming actually.
This christmas was a bit non existant for me.. The mother asked for the christmas tree to be put up only to find that she had forgotten she had thrown it away last year. This year she and my father did a mini-lets-not-try-to-kill-the-plant-with-lights thingie, and it turned out pretty nice albeit a day before christmas. Everyone wrapped presents the night before, and i'm pretty sure none of us was into it. Shopping was so last minute i brought my stash to the christmas eve do at my friends place and did it there. Was a bit saddened by my fathers question to me.. I had laughingly told him that i knew i had inherited my wrapping skills from him when he asked if his prezzie was all right. Inclining my head and waiting for him to tell me what he meant, he continued and mentioned that he didn't know if i wld think it was good enough.. Frankly i wldn't care if i didn't get a tangible gift. Sometimes the ones that don't cost anything are the hardest to find.
New year's was novel, with a session at a friends place passed up in place of helping another with his sausages (hottie dogs) at the esplanade. I stood for 12 straight hours dealing with german wieners and smoked cheese, a rained out tentage that made wearing slip ons that much more disgusting, more onions than i have dealt with in my entire f'in life but it was not surprisingly, very satisfying. Te fireworks were *almost* amazing. Hobbling home with an assortment of balloons, lightsticks in a variety of shapes and a stray buns, i was happy that it wasn't an exercise in uselessness and forced bonheur.
It's pretty amusing but these weeks of festivity i've seen more couples yelling their lungs out at each other in public. From docile males who meekly follow an obviously pissed girlfriend stomping away, to small tug of wars to prevent one half from getting into a cab; it's all been rather heartwarming actually.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
A few placid butterflies let loose, helpful directions from an observant doorman; a hop, skip and bright smile later, i was in the office. Smiling, genuine trainer is putty in my hands and his sales manager is introduced to me a while later. After about an hour, i have all the information i need. He is shifty and eager to pounce on my lack of knowledge, but my eager intentness seems to make him want to seem more knowledgeble. Why do men always assume women wear their emotions on their sleeve? I'm shown round the office, and mental notes are taken.
Leaving and patting my bag, i smile demurely at him as he sends me on my way, insisting on walking a short way with me. A short while later, some long awaited information is passed to another sales manager, from another company.
Fact or fiction?
Interesting times :)
Leaving and patting my bag, i smile demurely at him as he sends me on my way, insisting on walking a short way with me. A short while later, some long awaited information is passed to another sales manager, from another company.
Fact or fiction?
Interesting times :)
Friday, December 09, 2005
When my fingers are poised above the keyboard, somehow blog paralysis just sets in. Bits of what i want to write about seem to be painfully inadequate for sharing. Scattered thoughts, fit only for mulling over to oneself.
Like how i would have liked to write about leaving the house before lunch. It's rare enough, god knows typically i wouldn't be caught dead walking out in the sun at that time with the throngs in town. The sun beats down, people squeeze, heat makes your neck feel slightly damp, and it's impossible to get a cab. Not that day though.. I took a train with w from the east, and walked from city hall to clarke quay.. My moans and groans were cheerfully ignored with perky comments about how nice it was to be out without having to work, how the weather was nice and slightly foreign because it was rather cool; a particular brand which had extra menthol was pushed into my hand to keep me happy like the world's thinnest pacifier. And as i walked, i noticed that it really was beautiful. It was cool, the air blew into my shirt and out the hem, making w laugh, and keeping me mild. We settled for merchant court and sat outside, savouring the smell of kebabs and strong coffee which whafted across from the little hut in which a chef was having fun with his tools. Mmm. Oh. And i took a baby for a walk by the river. First time, and scarily it was quite at ease on me. An entire person, nestled between the curves of my front, toe occasionally kicking my belly button. I've never had my hair eaten before.
Or i could talk about friends leaving for another land, and though laughs and promises to meet up when-ever where-ever abound, you just know it isn't going to happen. Not content to leave in ones anymore, friends now leave in two's, promising to send pictures of kids, house and hopefully bigger car if i don't plan on visiting anytime soon. I always wonder if i'll ever leave.
I've realised suddenly that angel and i have truly moved on and that it'll be the kind of friendship where overnight stays won't pose a threat anymore to anyone.
Had my first financial 'betweeen a rock and hard place' dilemma. Just your usual run of the mill unexpected, urgent, deplete your christmas/festive budget /bonus situation which has aged me a little. Nothing more makes you feel so trapped, i swear.
December always has me contemplative, and all i have to show for my ruminations is tinsel from the keyboard. The user before me has very creative AND extremely stiky fingers.
Like how i would have liked to write about leaving the house before lunch. It's rare enough, god knows typically i wouldn't be caught dead walking out in the sun at that time with the throngs in town. The sun beats down, people squeeze, heat makes your neck feel slightly damp, and it's impossible to get a cab. Not that day though.. I took a train with w from the east, and walked from city hall to clarke quay.. My moans and groans were cheerfully ignored with perky comments about how nice it was to be out without having to work, how the weather was nice and slightly foreign because it was rather cool; a particular brand which had extra menthol was pushed into my hand to keep me happy like the world's thinnest pacifier. And as i walked, i noticed that it really was beautiful. It was cool, the air blew into my shirt and out the hem, making w laugh, and keeping me mild. We settled for merchant court and sat outside, savouring the smell of kebabs and strong coffee which whafted across from the little hut in which a chef was having fun with his tools. Mmm. Oh. And i took a baby for a walk by the river. First time, and scarily it was quite at ease on me. An entire person, nestled between the curves of my front, toe occasionally kicking my belly button. I've never had my hair eaten before.
Or i could talk about friends leaving for another land, and though laughs and promises to meet up when-ever where-ever abound, you just know it isn't going to happen. Not content to leave in ones anymore, friends now leave in two's, promising to send pictures of kids, house and hopefully bigger car if i don't plan on visiting anytime soon. I always wonder if i'll ever leave.
I've realised suddenly that angel and i have truly moved on and that it'll be the kind of friendship where overnight stays won't pose a threat anymore to anyone.
Had my first financial 'betweeen a rock and hard place' dilemma. Just your usual run of the mill unexpected, urgent, deplete your christmas/festive budget /bonus situation which has aged me a little. Nothing more makes you feel so trapped, i swear.
December always has me contemplative, and all i have to show for my ruminations is tinsel from the keyboard. The user before me has very creative AND extremely stiky fingers.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
And today in line with how i feel.. pictures of the world's ugliest dog. I would have put up pictures of myself before morning coffee but i didn't want to scare you. The first time i saw his ugly mug, the first thought that struck me was that it looked like a species of hellhound. Hello Sam!
Nono, he isn't outwardly very diseased, he just..is.
Here's a quiz for you. What is Sam? (courtesy of http://sam-the-man.net/)
- A cloned experiment gone wrong
- A lawyer
- An Alien
- A deep fried hotdog
- Your ex-girlfriend
And this is why you shld never feed one after midnight. Seriously though, sammy is a pedigree chinese crested hairless, which is more than i can say for myself.
What the hell.. Are those knuckles?? Anyway, the owner's dress sense gives allowance for her taste in dogs. Its a little bizarre. Apparently this little guy has to have treatments of an acidic formula to clear away the dead skin cells every few days, and his mommy squuezes his blackheads for him.
Sadly, he has since passed on, with many mourning his loss and questioning the ideal of beauty. Rest in peace sammy.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
When you watch love stories, it's easy to go along with the dreamy theme. Youth brings with it the beauty of the body, innocence and and a beguiling enthusiasm. Think unjaded bright eyes and boundless energy. Wasn't it always the easiest to fall when the object of your affection had the lines and style equal to that of a luxury car , or the manner of an angel perhaps?
Sometimes i think of my patients, what needs to be done for them; then i look at the other half and feel ashamed that i could never bring myself to do that. Not because of a shunnning of what needs to done, but a fear that a familiarity this much and this great would kill any intimacy and even respect that's left. It's not a fear of wrinkles, or the lack of a few functions, but total dependency. Think the most basic of needs. Its the total antithesis of what a man or woman should be like. For women because they can't serve or satisfy, for men because they are more helpless than a babe and women will never be satisfied if they are in a prolonged situation where the rules are reversed.
What i would give, to feel even a half hearted willing for this.
Sometimes i think of my patients, what needs to be done for them; then i look at the other half and feel ashamed that i could never bring myself to do that. Not because of a shunnning of what needs to done, but a fear that a familiarity this much and this great would kill any intimacy and even respect that's left. It's not a fear of wrinkles, or the lack of a few functions, but total dependency. Think the most basic of needs. Its the total antithesis of what a man or woman should be like. For women because they can't serve or satisfy, for men because they are more helpless than a babe and women will never be satisfied if they are in a prolonged situation where the rules are reversed.
What i would give, to feel even a half hearted willing for this.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Discipline, where no one notices, has never been my big thing. In the fullness of a particular kind of companionship, somehow writing palls :)
So i was reading one of the reviews in the papers about the exorcism of Emily Rose, and it was saying it was the scariest movie in town? No shite. I caught it during a sneak about 2 weeks ago, and i felt slightly mad (schizophrenic, like) after watching it. Typically it's the korean, or the japanese cheap frights which get me. When was the last time you were afraid?
About 2 days later at work, i was feeling slightly off and so, encouraged by colleagues, went for a lie down in one of the rooms not currently utilised by any of the volunteers. This was late, about 1 in the morning. Taking along sheets and blankie, i made myself comfy, and drifted off almost instantly. Some time later, i thought i heard someone come into the room. Not being sure if this was just another vividly lucid dream, or if i was in fact awake, i waited for a while to see if the noises came to a head ie: i see the reason i heard noises. I didn't see anything, so i tried to sit up. It seemed like my mind was awake, but my body wasn't, and so i had no choice but to continue lying. I didn't see anyone come into the room, but i did see the edge of the screens i had pulled round my bed for privacy move slightly. Squinting in effort, trying to shut aside the blurriness of sleep, i could only see the curtain being slightly tugged, as if someone wanted to peek at me, but let the screen fall back each time, only to try again . I tried to lift my arms to grab ahold of the cot sides to pull myself up, but again with the haziness of sleep or dreams, i hadn't the strength to. The last straw was when i heard bells chiming. Whoah.
The chimes were light and sweet, and rather than add to the intensification of fear, i was filled with a sense of urgency which helped me struggle to wake/sit. I told rach, a peer, what had happened, and she put it down to the bloody show. For those of you who watched the movie, the time i woke was 3.10am.
The next night, i told a friend what had happened, and she asked which room i had been in. I told her it was the 'green'. She smiled, and told me never to sleep in either the 'yellow' or 'green' room. Apparently she can see things, and see she did in those two rooms.
Wussy people shouldn't watch horror movies, and i've vowed not to anymore.
Damn.
So i was reading one of the reviews in the papers about the exorcism of Emily Rose, and it was saying it was the scariest movie in town? No shite. I caught it during a sneak about 2 weeks ago, and i felt slightly mad (schizophrenic, like) after watching it. Typically it's the korean, or the japanese cheap frights which get me. When was the last time you were afraid?
About 2 days later at work, i was feeling slightly off and so, encouraged by colleagues, went for a lie down in one of the rooms not currently utilised by any of the volunteers. This was late, about 1 in the morning. Taking along sheets and blankie, i made myself comfy, and drifted off almost instantly. Some time later, i thought i heard someone come into the room. Not being sure if this was just another vividly lucid dream, or if i was in fact awake, i waited for a while to see if the noises came to a head ie: i see the reason i heard noises. I didn't see anything, so i tried to sit up. It seemed like my mind was awake, but my body wasn't, and so i had no choice but to continue lying. I didn't see anyone come into the room, but i did see the edge of the screens i had pulled round my bed for privacy move slightly. Squinting in effort, trying to shut aside the blurriness of sleep, i could only see the curtain being slightly tugged, as if someone wanted to peek at me, but let the screen fall back each time, only to try again . I tried to lift my arms to grab ahold of the cot sides to pull myself up, but again with the haziness of sleep or dreams, i hadn't the strength to. The last straw was when i heard bells chiming. Whoah.
The chimes were light and sweet, and rather than add to the intensification of fear, i was filled with a sense of urgency which helped me struggle to wake/sit. I told rach, a peer, what had happened, and she put it down to the bloody show. For those of you who watched the movie, the time i woke was 3.10am.
The next night, i told a friend what had happened, and she asked which room i had been in. I told her it was the 'green'. She smiled, and told me never to sleep in either the 'yellow' or 'green' room. Apparently she can see things, and see she did in those two rooms.
Wussy people shouldn't watch horror movies, and i've vowed not to anymore.
Damn.
Friday, November 11, 2005
vegetated
Its incredible, but im hooked!
I've been vegan for 4 days! .
!!!
If you realize what a meat and potatoes girl i was, and compare it to the fact that now i juice for breakfast and look for vegetarian establishments that are out of my way.. I look for organic options! How wierd is that? I've gotta let you know it feels incredible. Seriously. The only hang up is when i attempt to whip up something for myself in a self righteous fit.
One morning i tripped down to get supplies for recipes that i wanted to try out and ended up with all sorts of eats in my cart that still had clumps of soil on them. When i pointed this out to my companion, i only got a disgusted look, and an admonishment. I was exhilarated though. This must be like what shopping feels like for some women. You don't simply up with an article, you end up with potential!
I got back and decided to start on the chives first because they looked the easiest to handle. I managed to get a good look at the soily roots, and instantly my imagination went into overdrive. Did you know, that chives have hollow leaves which look like fun for a myriad of small, women hated bugs? Thank god no maggoty creep or other miscellaneous crawlies were found, and i made my first organic salad. Or first salad, period.
Sometimes, the most satisfaction can be found in the simplest things.
I've been vegan for 4 days! .
!!!
If you realize what a meat and potatoes girl i was, and compare it to the fact that now i juice for breakfast and look for vegetarian establishments that are out of my way.. I look for organic options! How wierd is that? I've gotta let you know it feels incredible. Seriously. The only hang up is when i attempt to whip up something for myself in a self righteous fit.
One morning i tripped down to get supplies for recipes that i wanted to try out and ended up with all sorts of eats in my cart that still had clumps of soil on them. When i pointed this out to my companion, i only got a disgusted look, and an admonishment. I was exhilarated though. This must be like what shopping feels like for some women. You don't simply up with an article, you end up with potential!
I got back and decided to start on the chives first because they looked the easiest to handle. I managed to get a good look at the soily roots, and instantly my imagination went into overdrive. Did you know, that chives have hollow leaves which look like fun for a myriad of small, women hated bugs? Thank god no maggoty creep or other miscellaneous crawlies were found, and i made my first organic salad. Or first salad, period.
Sometimes, the most satisfaction can be found in the simplest things.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
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