Listening to: Drifting
Sarah Mclachlan

Sappiness ahead- you were warned!

So.. My first real meet up with the most recent ex.

We've been talking since nov, not always lighthearted since things moved so fast that i felt there wasn't really closure, which im a stickler for. Details, details..

Days pass into weeks, and weeks into months as time is wont to do. It feels like nov was in a separate lifetime and you know what? It is.

So happy for him.. Things were not ideal during the last days, and i was in misery not knowing if quitting was the right thing to do. Such a burden, to leave behind something so precious, to make a decision which very well could affect especially a woman for the rest of her life.

Its amazing how both our prayers got answered ( Be careful what you ask for now...). How so many things fell into place that could not have been chance, and how we, too human to make the right decision, had the best ones made for us.

Perhaps this is going to sound incestous but.. When i look at him now i can see and feel only a brother, a gentle heart made for friendship. I asked for a girl for him who would not mind our still close friendship, and amazingly, i got that too! How many girls would hate another girl nearby ( and a cute one too ;pp), would be the first one to say hello.. To this i can only be amazed and say that god is exceedingly good. Saw her pic, and i give my blessing, lol.

Closure i wanted, demanded, and it is better than i thought it would be.

Now he tells me that he wants me to not be alone, but it is easier than he thinks for me to watch while he makes his plans for life. For one i have only joy that he has managed to find what so many have not. And secondly.. Perhaps i'm just not capable of loving anyone in the truest sense of the word? Because if i did, surely i'd have done so by now?

To be able to adore the one i'm with, to submit (willingly) with heart and soul and know i would go through anything with him, for him. To undoubtedly know that he is the love of my life. If i only have one life, i'll be damned if i never learn the meaning of these.