Listening to: The one moment
Gattica Ost
I've realised that all the missing i've been doing isn't for just one person. Yes, longer ones (hmmmm) are hard to shake off but... is it really because of the person, or the sudden and enforced lost of another person's physical availabiity and closeness?
The healing and therapeutic power of touch has been documented, observed, researched and scribed throughout the ages. Even before words were ever formed or needed, there was touch. A wordless communication that comforts, shames and inflames.
How can so many of us survive without it on a daily basis? Speech can be superfluous but imagine for just one day if instead of speech, we just reached out. I think we'd be alot happier. Nothing sexual, just a primal need to be truly noticed, witnessed and felt.
I was thinking about it this morning and i was filled with a great and intense sadness for those who are chronically deprived of this either because of stigma or social constraints. Updates here on what i have done to help soon :)
On a lighter note someone has managed to get my interest, very intently indeed. Hope for me, i was wondering when i would ever notice the male form again *huge grins*
Friday, November 30, 2007
Incandescent
Listening to~ Destiny
By Zero 7.
1- I love the wind in my hair.. Happiness is 3 am at 140 on the road, with no windows. Purrs
2- I never realised it was possible to get turned off by hair around nipps, until i got a slight queasiness that left me avoiding looking at the clumps of hair around a friends at beach.. Was it mean of me to notice? Symmetry is always nice.
3- Rage is taking me by the roots of my soul, making me feel like sloughing off everthing in one raw tug. I want to skin his face too. Let her heal it.
4- I finally spoke up to my boss. And promptly got some ego stroking and recognition!! Go me!
5- I blew hundreds on some plain blue dress for me bro's wedding. When i brought it back home to scrutinise, i noticed it makes me look fat. Even my mom commented on it. Can i grow some foreskin and call myself Jude? I'm sick of being a girl. I want to never shave and let my leg hair wave in the breeze.
On a sadder note, one of my intimate friends invited me to go on a christmas holiday with him and his bf. How pathetic do i look, i wonder, for him to ask? *snif* And he hates the blue dress too.
By Zero 7.
1- I love the wind in my hair.. Happiness is 3 am at 140 on the road, with no windows. Purrs
2- I never realised it was possible to get turned off by hair around nipps, until i got a slight queasiness that left me avoiding looking at the clumps of hair around a friends at beach.. Was it mean of me to notice? Symmetry is always nice.
3- Rage is taking me by the roots of my soul, making me feel like sloughing off everthing in one raw tug. I want to skin his face too. Let her heal it.
4- I finally spoke up to my boss. And promptly got some ego stroking and recognition!! Go me!
5- I blew hundreds on some plain blue dress for me bro's wedding. When i brought it back home to scrutinise, i noticed it makes me look fat. Even my mom commented on it. Can i grow some foreskin and call myself Jude? I'm sick of being a girl. I want to never shave and let my leg hair wave in the breeze.
On a sadder note, one of my intimate friends invited me to go on a christmas holiday with him and his bf. How pathetic do i look, i wonder, for him to ask? *snif* And he hates the blue dress too.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Boy meets girl
Boy meets girl years later
Boy and girl get it on
and off
and on
and off again.
Girl cant make up her mind
a mth after they split, he decides to get married to a girl he's known for 2 weeks.
Me is not a happy camper :(
Still, for those of you who've been trying to cheer me up, thankies sweeties. I could be so much worse, you should be grateful im so considerate that i keep my whining to a minimum. Bear with me, you know i'll come out farting violets and streaming sun beams from me smile. Till then..uh...
till then...
*twiddles thumbs*
till then dont mind the damp tissues around the place.
Boy meets girl years later
Boy and girl get it on
and off
and on
and off again.
Girl cant make up her mind
a mth after they split, he decides to get married to a girl he's known for 2 weeks.
Me is not a happy camper :(
Still, for those of you who've been trying to cheer me up, thankies sweeties. I could be so much worse, you should be grateful im so considerate that i keep my whining to a minimum. Bear with me, you know i'll come out farting violets and streaming sun beams from me smile. Till then..uh...
till then...
*twiddles thumbs*
till then dont mind the damp tissues around the place.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Terribly addicted to some of the numbers on this soundtrack. Sometimes melancholy needs a lil encouragment :)
http://haoting.com/musiclist/ht_b7eb728e21dee38f.htm
http://haoting.com/musiclist/ht_b7eb728e21dee38f.htm
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
E. E. Cummings
Sometimes we do things that we wish we didn't have to. Playing at being adults can be so tiring.. Its worse when you realise one day that.. you are a grown up, one of those.
Sometimes the decisions we make leave us drier and drier, like one of the husks of tiny fruits you see scattered along the paths you walk. I look at the lines on my hands, and think they belong on an old woman. If i could look inside my heart, i wonder what i would find? Not just mine, but all of our's.
I wish my booboo would go away just with a kiss and squeeze.
my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
E. E. Cummings
Sometimes we do things that we wish we didn't have to. Playing at being adults can be so tiring.. Its worse when you realise one day that.. you are a grown up, one of those.
Sometimes the decisions we make leave us drier and drier, like one of the husks of tiny fruits you see scattered along the paths you walk. I look at the lines on my hands, and think they belong on an old woman. If i could look inside my heart, i wonder what i would find? Not just mine, but all of our's.
I wish my booboo would go away just with a kiss and squeeze.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
I had a really crap dream last night.
I dreamt that someone had been cultivating vats of leeches in some hdb basement, and that the leeches had somehow gotten into the water supply. they spread all over the place, became an epidemic and worse.. i dreamt they were actually crawling pass/into/through my skin. Being the happily lucid dreamer that i am, i even gave myself the thoughtful view of what they looked like coming into my body from the inside of me. So i see this black wriggly thing first wavering towards my body heat, then slowly shrinking itself to squeeze through my unbroken skin and once the head's through, opening its big mouth to clamp onto my bloody, pink flesh.
Nasty. At several points they even flew, so like a swarm of flies in india they converged upon me with not a collective buzz, but with a noisy sort of silent squishing. And you can't brush them off because they hook onto you instantly, so all i cld do was let my hand brush at their slimy little expanding bodies like so many short fat strands of chin chow.
Cue dream dictionary, because i can't even begin to imagine what the dream means.
Leeches: To see or be bitten by leeches in your dream, refers to something in your life that is draining the energy and vigor out of you. The dream may refer to people, habits, or negative emotions that are sucking you out of your vitality. Alternatively, if your body is covered in leeches, then you are feeling disgusted by your own body or repulsed by something you have done.
Fucking exams. Thank god they're over by tuesday. If i had studied this hard when i was in primary school, i'd be a nuclear physicist by now.
I dreamt that someone had been cultivating vats of leeches in some hdb basement, and that the leeches had somehow gotten into the water supply. they spread all over the place, became an epidemic and worse.. i dreamt they were actually crawling pass/into/through my skin. Being the happily lucid dreamer that i am, i even gave myself the thoughtful view of what they looked like coming into my body from the inside of me. So i see this black wriggly thing first wavering towards my body heat, then slowly shrinking itself to squeeze through my unbroken skin and once the head's through, opening its big mouth to clamp onto my bloody, pink flesh.
Nasty. At several points they even flew, so like a swarm of flies in india they converged upon me with not a collective buzz, but with a noisy sort of silent squishing. And you can't brush them off because they hook onto you instantly, so all i cld do was let my hand brush at their slimy little expanding bodies like so many short fat strands of chin chow.
Cue dream dictionary, because i can't even begin to imagine what the dream means.
Leeches: To see or be bitten by leeches in your dream, refers to something in your life that is draining the energy and vigor out of you. The dream may refer to people, habits, or negative emotions that are sucking you out of your vitality. Alternatively, if your body is covered in leeches, then you are feeling disgusted by your own body or repulsed by something you have done.
Fucking exams. Thank god they're over by tuesday. If i had studied this hard when i was in primary school, i'd be a nuclear physicist by now.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Its lovely to have a boss who doesnt care if youre at your desk or not, just as long as you get your work done.
Thankfully, most doctors are like that. They are so in a world of their own, they'll happily let legal paperwork which is due in 2 mins sit on their desk for another 4 mths under fire hazards on their desks while you constantly remind them via calls, mail and smses. Then when you look for them in their clinics because you have had enough of their shite, they turn to you and say,
"
There are easier ways to get my signature.
"
That was a good one.
They're funny folks, they are. The one i have now is actually rather sweet, so much so im reluctantly willing to sacrifice alot more for him albeit a little grumpily, because i know he's a really nice guy. He offered me chocolates (Chocolates!) with such a boyish big smile and earnest sincerity (when was the last time you had utter sincerity from a person?) when i went to bug him that my heart melted and i had to resist the urge to pat him on his head and tell him he's doing fine.
Thankfully, most doctors are like that. They are so in a world of their own, they'll happily let legal paperwork which is due in 2 mins sit on their desk for another 4 mths under fire hazards on their desks while you constantly remind them via calls, mail and smses. Then when you look for them in their clinics because you have had enough of their shite, they turn to you and say,
"
There are easier ways to get my signature.
"
That was a good one.
They're funny folks, they are. The one i have now is actually rather sweet, so much so im reluctantly willing to sacrifice alot more for him albeit a little grumpily, because i know he's a really nice guy. He offered me chocolates (Chocolates!) with such a boyish big smile and earnest sincerity (when was the last time you had utter sincerity from a person?) when i went to bug him that my heart melted and i had to resist the urge to pat him on his head and tell him he's doing fine.
I have this new girl and i cant stop staring at her. Well. Parts of her.
You know how some girls are so hairy, when they bend over and you see a large expanse of back, there's hair there? Not there. Just on the lower back. A 'not so fine', 'not so sprinkled as liberally plowed and grown' kind of hair there.
I havn't had the opportunity of seeing her bending over in my face, so i can't comment on her back. For all i know she has the baldest body tits downward, but it must be excluding her arms. I swear its not like the normal straight kind of arm hair you see on typically hairy women. I know she'll never have to tell anyone she has natural curls.
I tried to look for hairy pics, but all i found was a site from some man telling the world about his boners from pictures of beautiful hairy women.
The ironic part is that she does a beautiful shave and moisturise on her legs. Not a ingrown hair in sight. What's a hairy girl to do? Damned if you do, damed if you dont!
You know how some girls are so hairy, when they bend over and you see a large expanse of back, there's hair there? Not there. Just on the lower back. A 'not so fine', 'not so sprinkled as liberally plowed and grown' kind of hair there.
I havn't had the opportunity of seeing her bending over in my face, so i can't comment on her back. For all i know she has the baldest body tits downward, but it must be excluding her arms. I swear its not like the normal straight kind of arm hair you see on typically hairy women. I know she'll never have to tell anyone she has natural curls.
I tried to look for hairy pics, but all i found was a site from some man telling the world about his boners from pictures of beautiful hairy women.
The ironic part is that she does a beautiful shave and moisturise on her legs. Not a ingrown hair in sight. What's a hairy girl to do? Damned if you do, damed if you dont!
I've always told the better half he was lucky.
Not because he's naturally skinny and white ( i am so going to have my ass whuped) and has nicer legs than i have, but because ive never been the kind of girl who wants to get married as soon as financially or decently possible.
When i was a younger girl (how do you define woman?), i had friends who married because they didn't believe in planning. And i promised myself it would never happen to me.
When i was a slightly older girl, i looked at the relationships between mothers and daughters. They were so volatile to me, even then, i swore. I would never let the possibility of that happen to me.
When i was even older, i looked at the marriage dynamics of the people around me, and i told myself.. it will never happen to me.
Its a battle against common sense, of what people tell you and what you want to believe. Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Whats a girl to do?
Not because he's naturally skinny and white ( i am so going to have my ass whuped) and has nicer legs than i have, but because ive never been the kind of girl who wants to get married as soon as financially or decently possible.
When i was a younger girl (how do you define woman?), i had friends who married because they didn't believe in planning. And i promised myself it would never happen to me.
When i was a slightly older girl, i looked at the relationships between mothers and daughters. They were so volatile to me, even then, i swore. I would never let the possibility of that happen to me.
When i was even older, i looked at the marriage dynamics of the people around me, and i told myself.. it will never happen to me.
Its a battle against common sense, of what people tell you and what you want to believe. Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Whats a girl to do?
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