listening to: better days
goo goo dolls

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listening to: dirty little secret
all american rejects


The other night i was in a room which was known to be..occupied, and i heard a loud noise which sounded like someone weeping. You know, when someone reaches that stage where they have no breath because of the intensity of the crying, and breathing makes a high pitched, indrawn keen during the inhalation ?

No prizes for guessing, i ran out of the room and waited outside the loo for chris to come out. Fuck me. I had no time to feel that spooked, it was pure reaction which propelled me out that room.

I walk around blind, believing in the painful adage 'vanity ( the equivalent of intellectual disability for me ) over death'.

There've been many times i've thought of enhancing my eyesight with surgery, but minor details perish that thought. The last time i tried contacts i couldn't get them out; it was only with the flood of desperate tears induced by a certain foreign object on my eyeball (ie: my finger) that enabled it to slide out by accident. Imagine if you could see certain things you'd rather not; say, the grime on the floor at a hawker center, or a morning after reflection in the mirror.. I was reminded again today why sometimes less than acute eyesight is great for sanity. For all the rest of the times, going bespectacled and lab coated suits me fine.

1# Walking down the street, i was suddenly blinded by a not so young woman who was sitting with her gold and silver shod feet swinging in the bright sunlight. Grabbing the arm beside me, we started together at the feet. There were... things.. jingling, shiny, plasticky things on the straps that looked like the ornaments on my tree. I stood humbled at that moment. Never will i laugh at some of things sold on the shelf, because i know there are people who actually wear them.

2# Offering extra large chewy sweeties around after a lunch, a certain male was having fun playing with the remnants of the sweet, rolling it around on his lips and making gastly faces. I stared at the sweet. It was green. The sweets i gave out were white. At least we all know he enjoys his dietary fibre.

Fine fine, forget about reading that last post already. I knew it was vague but i think i should delete it based on the number of ," What was that post about?" from those who knew what happened. If that's not a sign that there's something terribly terribly wrong with the writing...

This christmas was a bit non existant for me.. The mother asked for the christmas tree to be put up only to find that she had forgotten she had thrown it away last year. This year she and my father did a mini-lets-not-try-to-kill-the-plant-with-lights thingie, and it turned out pretty nice albeit a day before christmas. Everyone wrapped presents the night before, and i'm pretty sure none of us was into it. Shopping was so last minute i brought my stash to the christmas eve do at my friends place and did it there. Was a bit saddened by my fathers question to me.. I had laughingly told him that i knew i had inherited my wrapping skills from him when he asked if his prezzie was all right. Inclining my head and waiting for him to tell me what he meant, he continued and mentioned that he didn't know if i wld think it was good enough.. Frankly i wldn't care if i didn't get a tangible gift. Sometimes the ones that don't cost anything are the hardest to find.

New year's was novel, with a session at a friends place passed up in place of helping another with his sausages (hottie dogs) at the esplanade. I stood for 12 straight hours dealing with german wieners and smoked cheese, a rained out tentage that made wearing slip ons that much more disgusting, more onions than i have dealt with in my entire f'in life but it was not surprisingly, very satisfying. Te fireworks were *almost* amazing. Hobbling home with an assortment of balloons, lightsticks in a variety of shapes and a stray buns, i was happy that it wasn't an exercise in uselessness and forced bonheur.

It's pretty amusing but these weeks of festivity i've seen more couples yelling their lungs out at each other in public. From docile males who meekly follow an obviously pissed girlfriend stomping away, to small tug of wars to prevent one half from getting into a cab; it's all been rather heartwarming actually.